last saturday i went to downtown la. started my day by going to the a+d museum, they have an exhibition on disgusting food. i got to try some of it at their tasting bar. passed on the shark meat but did try some bugs, durian, vegemite, and the cheese of a baby goat. the rest of the museum was alright, overall a bit too liberal for my tastes. what can you expect from the arts district of la though.
from there i walked to the broad. stopped for food after seeing the line wrapped around the width of the building. when i came back the line had shrunk greatly. only had to wait 15 or so minutes. after getting my ticket i decided i wanted to go see a film screening at the redcat. sharon lockhart’s pine flat. 2 long hours. 12 takes each 10 minutes long. each take focusing on the actions of children. moving solemnly from a child wandering in a snowy forest trying to find his friend to two couples making out. after the film i asked her whether she was directly attempting to challenge/critique particular modes of temporalization. she said yes but didn’t give any particulars, only using the phrase ‘adult time’.
i sent a very hard email for me write today. it is the first time i’ve told my family about my recent rape. it feels good to finally have it off my chest but i still worry what their response will be. i’ll likely be leaving myself downstairs in the basement for the night. i hope i don’t get too anxious feeling isolated, but only time will tell. the following is the text of my email:
what i am about to say will likely be shocking but i feel it necessary to say. it is hard for me to talk about so i will be very brief.
last spring, while living in kansas city, i was raped, the resulting trauma being not only psychological but physiological. the physical trauma that i endured may require surgery to repair. i do not want to talk further about this and will not answer any questions about this event. just know that i have a consultation with a surgeon on the 1st of february at the fontana kaiser. i will let you know what results from that consultation. i ask your assistance with transportation and the copay.
as a i recover both physically and psychologically from my past traumas, i ask a few things. 1) please, continue to try referring to me as taegen and using she/her pronouns. using preferred names to refer to trans people has been shown to drastically lower rates of severe depression and suicidal ideation. (you can read about that here: https://news.utexas.edu/2018/03/30/name-use-matters-for-transgender-youths-mental-health/). 2) I would like to schedule a consultation with Karen Atkinson, and artist and educator, to get feedback on my personal website and get advice for marketing my art. She may also be a good resource in the near future to help me as I apply for grants to support my art and projects. (https://www.gyst-ink.com/private-art-consultation/). 3) Your continued financial support is appreciated. I have only briefly had treatment for my recent traumas and i am going to need a lot more time and treatment before i am fully able to work, or even fulfill past commissions. 4) Part of my recovery is making sure I don't stay isolated socially and physically. I need to continue to explore museums and meet with friends. I'd like to start visiting LA at least twice a month. It's important for me to develop a social network here again. 5) Overall I just want to make sure I can keep my time occupied with things I enjoy (books, coffee, art and art museums) and continue to pursue treatment. I see my art as being something that can support me, as it did for quite a few months. My primary goal in recovering is to make my art practice sustainable again and will appreciate your emotional support and encouragement through this process. Looking forward, I have a meeting with Andrew Culp tomorrow at 4pm in Pasadena. I will be taking the metrolink into LA tomorrow morning and riding the LA metro to pasadena after lunch with a good friend from Willamette. I have been building my personal webpage and already begun advertising my tutoring services again. You can visit my website here: http://txgenmeyer.com/tutorial.html.
My current focus is to finish building my webpage, continue my readings, continue building my social network, continue building my projects, and find a suitable therapist. -- taegen
i’ve decided to try a challenge. i want to blog about a section of anti-oedipus every day. I’ve found that there are 31 subsections so i want to do a 30 day challenge through the whole text. i’ll likely read it a second time this year to write a longer text about it for the hyperzine. my ideas about the hyperzine are crystallizing. andrew culp and i are meeting for coffee tomorrow. i hope he won’t mind me talking about the hyperzine with him and working through some of the roadblocks i’ve come to.
next week i’ll be skyping with juliana huxtable for an interview. i’ll likely post an excerpt of it here so please be on the look out for that. i just finished the coming insurrection. likely will post today or tomorrow about the text. currently not listening to anything.